The scariest aspect of being a parent, by far, is uncertainty. Anybody with children will attest to this. When you are responsible for the health, happiness, safety, and security of a small child who cannot fend for themselves in any way, unknown outcomes become a constant thought and fear. But there’s a very simple way to dispel of the irrational fears, which far outweigh the rational ones.
The day I found out we were expecting our first child I bawled like a child myself. That moment will forever be chiseled into my heart. Everything I’d wanted finally came true. Immediately after those first few minutes of excitement though, the panic attack began and I couldn’t breathe. What if my wife were to miscarry? What if we got into a car accident while she was pregnant? What if I was unable to support my growing family? What if baby didn’t make it through the delivery? What if my wife didn’t? What if neither of them did? What if she got sick after being born? What if that shady looking guy at the grocery store pulled a weapon out and I didn’t make it? How would they grow up without their father? Every conceivable bad thing went through my head all at once, and those thoughts lingered for months.
Everything went well, both baby and Mama were safe and healthy after delivery. And the fears began to change as the world did. 10 months after the birth of our first daughter we found out we were expecting another baby girl. Once again, the full range of fears washed over me. Some previous fears weren’t there, and some new ones crept in, but it was still a lot. A couple of months later, in early 2020, those fears shifted entirely to ones I never imagined I’d ever have. What if my business didn’t succeed because everybody is out of work and struggling to even pay their bills? What if the hospital wouldn’t do my wife’s scheduled c-section if she refused a certain test? What if they wouldn’t let me be present for the birth of my child after refusing me admittance to every single appointment and ultrasound during the pregnancy? 
What if the riots in Portland moved 8 miles south to where we live? Are my children going to be okay with all of the smoke from half of Oregon burning? 2020 brought up a wave of possible scenarios which are absolutely terrifying to a parent, regardless of how strong that parent is or how unafraid they claim to be. We want nothing for our children but to provide a good, stable environment for them to learn and grow in. When the outside world starts shifting in a way that could potentially jeopardize that, our initial instinct is to worry.
But worrying is a reaction. It is a rocking chair. It gives us something to do, but it gets us nowhere. And as parents, sitting stagnant in the face of uncertainty is single handedly the biggest mistake we can make when it comes to keeping our children safe and secure. When the outside world becomes unstable, we parents need to work even harder to provide stability in the home for our children. This doesn’t mean we should simply work more hours to get more money. Money can easily disappear. You can’t eat money. Money only has value because people believe it does. What has true value are skills, tools, community, a healthy marriage and family, and high morality. With those things, you can navigate an ever changing world no problem.
As a testament to this, here’s a good personal story. With our first daughter, we spent a total of 5 days in the hospital. 2 days of labor, then 3 days of recovery. At the end, we were excited to go home but also nervous because we wanted to rely on the system in place. We were surrounded by professionals who knew what they were doing far better than we did. All my wife had to do was pick up the phone next to her bed and anything she wanted or needed was there in minutes. With our second daughter, my wife spent 2 days in the hospital and was counting the minutes until she could leave that place and come home. There was no desire whatsoever to stay. 
And the difference was, in the 17 months that had elapsed from the first birth to the second, we had built a stable home life for our family. We had chickens, had started a business so we weren’t dependent on others for a paycheck, had gotten into a routine of raising our daughter, and we had welcomed more love into our home than ever before. We had built a life we wanted with what we had, and after experiencing an unprecedented level of nonsense in 2020 we had no desire to rely on the system for anything any longer.
As parents, we so badly want to provide for our children. Our most important role is to give them a safe environment to learn in. Part of that learning is getting hurt, and there are rational fears that we all have that go hand in hand with that. We worry about our children running with scissors in their hands because we know how quickly and severely they could be injured if they fell, which children often do. We fear what would happen if our newborn were to suffocate in the middle of the night, which they easily can. In these instances though, we simply don’t let them run with scissors and we make sure there’s nothing in that newborn’s sleeping area that could obstruct their airway. We make the necessary adjustments to ensure their safety. And we should do this in the face of all uncertainty.
If you’re worrying about the future of your employment because of new rules and regulations, start building a business of your own and diversifying your income.
If you’re worrying about how you’re going to feed your children then get chickens, plant a garden, start canning food, and get to know your community.
Worried about what will happen if the lights were to ever go out? Learn skills so if that time comes you can not only survive but thrive.
It is literally our job to ensure our children crush. And we need to act like it. Fear is a lack of preparation. What we saw in 2020 was billions of people around the world who had not prepared in any capacity for disaster. We saw heatwaves, forest fires that blanketed the country with smoke, power outages in the middle of snowstorms which crippled cities, and an untold number of businesses who had to close their doors forever because they had saved no money for rainy days. And the one common denominator to the reaction we saw through all of this was fear.
Beat the fear with high morality. Learn skills so you can help not only yourself, but others. Grow your own food so you can help others. Help your community so when you need help they’re there.
The greatest gift we can ever give our children is the ability to watch us be strong in the face of uncertainty. When they see us out in that garden, or changing the bedding in the chicken coop, or working on our businesses, they’re watching people work hard to provide and help others. They’ll remember that.
And, finally, the most important thing to remember today, and in the future when things get crazy again is this: Our young children have no idea any of it is happening. While you’re worrying about whatever it is that’s got you down, all our children are worried about is why mommy or daddy is acting strange. Uphold the family above all else. Let their carefree laughter ignite a work ethic in you that will dissolve all fear, and crush harder than you ever have. The natural world and the world you see in the news are two entirely different realities. Make sure you’re investing your time and energy into the one that actually matters.
-Woodshop Bear
