It’s been a long time coming for The Beartaria Times to start competing with the billion dollar companies people have grown to be annoyed by. Rumors of The Beartaria Times’ future strategic investment plans have spread rapidly across the thriving startup culture of North Idaho.
Until now, rumors were unsubstantiated. But, due to my close proximity and vast industry connections, I have been able to verify the elaborate rumors that has “crushers” gaining more interest in The Beartaria Times.
I have confirmed via multiple text messages that The Beartaria Times will indeed make a strategic purchase for a new ink dispensing compositor, commonly known as a printer. This is going to ‘up’ the company value by a percentage that can only be speculated at this time.
Speculators and analysts have gathered in high controversy over the logistics of the acquisition and future productivity projections.
“The Beartaria Times could get a new printer or one from craigslist that would be tried and true”
Gary, not Terry
Gary, not Terry, responded to a request for comment and he makes some excellent points. He also added, “They may not want to risk being asked to pay $16 for a warranty, such a question poses a potential work-stop creating congestion in the administrative duties of the policy-making department.”
“Gary is a smart guy… when he talks, people listen, and warranty propositions do pose an increase in substantial thought processes,” inside sources say.
“We originally wanted everything etched in stone, but with the global shortage of chisels we began using scribes.”
Spokesperson for the beartaria Times
My sources at The Beartaria Times went on to say that they can no longer continue to use the scribes, “They have been on strike for weeks because Gary recommended it, people really need to stop listening to Gary.”
The Spokesperson continued to reveal new developments in the strategic printer acquisition, “A reconnaissance officer was sent to a local supplier to gather intel on pricing possibilities and specs. Ammunition for the printer may soon be bottlenecked in the economic sector, due to the price hike of printer primers. The Beartarian Times R&D department has discussed the possibility of creating printer ammunition in-house, although this opens the doors for many new challenges for us.”
The spokesperson is not revealing any more information at this time. A top consultant for The Beartaria Times has reportedly said, “Warranties are really not a bad idea, its better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.”
So, is this even a big deal? Is this something to watch going into Q2? Only time will tell how this will play out in the imminent future.
It hasn’t yet been disclosed that if a new purchase was in play which enterprise would land the contract. Multiple corporations are in tight competition. As of this time, not a single representative has reached out to The Beartaria Times. I am sure The Beartaria Times would be open to exclusive offers at this time if sales departments were on the cutting-edge of media culture, for they would assuredly be aware of this breaking news.
It would also be highly recommended for printer enterprises to make a generous contribution to The Beartaria Times, that would make them look really cool with ‘The Bears.’ This could also give The Beartaria Times the opportunity to do a one-off box opening video that could gain unprecedented levels of exposure and cultural presence to a trendy printer manufacturer. For those who are reading, it could be yours.
I will do my best to report on updates as this story develops.
Yours on the Trail,
Van Allen Bear
For Printer companies, please use info@beartariatimes.com
