Next time someone tells you “oh yeah man listen I hate to break it to ya, but all I got for ya are these lemons here see”–take em and run! Could you imagine how worse-off you would be if you had a handful of limes? I mean, come on, before you say, “hey woah man, it’s all good we can make limeade”–No… Listen guy, I ain’t buyin’ it and nobody I’ve ever known drinks something as silly as limeade.
Lemons are one thing, but limes?
Any sensible person, any time in history or future
When life gives us lemons, we can make lemonade and maybe we can get ourselves into a lemonade stand. With that lemonade stand we can get ourselves into the market and start making some seed money for, oh I don’t know, a new *bike* or a bigger hat or even pay your CPA $50 for an LLC to begin creating cargo airships out of scrap aluminum… but, limes? We can even collect them and digitally throw them at a bear for hours of entertainment, but limes?
Come on, what on earth can we do with a lime? Why is everyone so unenthusiastic about the lemons they might receive from life when they should be most worried about the limes lurking in the shade? Literally lurking in the shade! I just don’t get it.
Why had no one told us about the limes? I bought one as a joke at the supermarket once when I was a young man. What a complete and utter waste of money– it sat in my refrigerator for about one-and-a-half-years before I finally threw it away and bought another one. I figured that this was a mercy purchase, because someone, somewhere actually picked a lime and tried to sell it. I mean, come on that’s hilarious to even think someone would purposefully purchase a lime. Lemons all day, man, that makes sense, but limes? Come on. Don’t be kidding yourself. Don’t be kidding me, do I look like a fool? Gimme a handful of lemons and I’m on the dark side of the moon bartering tree seeds to the Chineses in 6 months. But if you really want to insult someone, go out of your way to purchase them a lime. What a disaster that would cause, oh good Heavens.
Can you imagine, dear readers, someone who may have the gall to comfort you in a time of distraught with the age-old, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” I wish someone would say, “alright, hold on. You and I both know lemons are rather acidic, however they have nominal market value when coupled with sugar granules and liquid ice. I know that seems like a little bit, but with fractional transactions and investing over 66% of our profit margins into solar battery research, I could both have a new set of rollerblades AND a new sunroof for my prius. With limes… not so much, guy, lime fruits don’t even form a monophyletic group.”
It’s alright, I’m sure lemons fall short in utility, but limes? Come on, man. Not a chance.
Lemons are made out to be the bad-guy here, and I don’t see why. I’m just trying to figure this out. They are used in potpourri, as ornaments, mixed into cocktails (haram), zest in cakes, yellow dyes, added to picnic water, pies, puddings, baked bars, squeezed over fried catfish, lemonade, origami, crypto currency, pigment for painting porches, donkey food, soaps, hotel lotions, earrings, tree ornaments… all kinds of things. Limes… sorry yeah drawing a blank. When life gives you lemons, don’t worry about it, just be glad they weren’t limes.
