Leading asteroid imaginators unanimously imagined the end of the human September with the rapid approach of 209 Doomer- a celestial imagination that could change the way that mankind lives out it’s week.
Researchers have urged the public not to envision the imaginary object due to complications with size management. This daydream could quickly become a nightmare if thought to be bigger than the leading story tellers.
The mysterious object’s speed has been recorded by one fibber at The International Imaginatorium as,
“14 times faster than a flying ninja star”
This was later confirmed by the worlds most sophisticated bubble blowing machine.
One outspoken researcher at The International Imaginatorium calculated that the asteroid will most likely hit his ex girlfriend’s house forcing her to apologize for treating him weird at his boss’s dinner party.
To date, the asteroid’s velocity is constantly increasing due to the spin that has been compounding faster than we could keep up with here at The Beartaria Times. Although, we have received word from the IODA- Imaginary Object Defense Agency that this will increase the demand for safety helmets and duct tape, consumers should prepare for long lines at bicycle retailers and hardware stores if the imagination takes hold.
Imaginary objects have shown to kill more than 14 million people’s buzz’s this year alone. These are staggering numbers when compared to people that can actually sustain a successful buzz.
This mysterious imaginary object is far different than the other MIO’s we may have had close encounters with, says one researcher:
“It’s bigger than any fish I have ever caught, and I have caught fish that are bigger than anyone else’s fish.”
– M.I. Fibbs
Chief Researcher for randomize aero-neurotics
M.I. Fibbs is just one of thousands of researchers already racing to a defense strategy in hopes of deflecting this object, which is now much larger than expected due to the demand of our readers to know what is being imagined.
To help in the research, The Beartaria Times has reached out to a grown man studying at Gen Z High School. The concerned man now in his senior year of indoctrination stated that the asteroid has already stolen his hopes and dreams. Out of concern, The Beartaria Times sent an investigator into the senior’s DM’s where we joined him in watching the sail boat masts disappearing over the horizon.
With no despair, we can assure you that there is always a margin of imaginary safety. The research is finding that while it seems it may be an “Extremely close encounter” there is a high probability that the MIO may not be imagined after a week and will miss someone’s imagination.
The quantum “If or If Else Machine”- located at a big building with strange statues has modeled the MIO’s trajectory. The trajectory seems to show that if the MIO doesn’t make a hard hit with someone’s imagination then the next time it will make its rotation will be another 150 news cycles, or an approximate 300 million lattes.
Unidentified imaginations are a growing concern for those imagining Beartaria. For this reason The Beartaria Times has made an internal joke to follow all the breaking coverage with the most accurate reporting and toilet paper brands.
We know 209- Doomer can’t hurt us because we have bike helmets, duct tape and 100% cotton socks, little known tip from one of our partners.
Cotton socks lowers your chances of catching mysterious imaginary objects by more percent than not wearing wearing cotton socks. That is why if you are not wearing 100% cotton socks then wearing a bicycle helmet isn’t even going to matter. Be apart of the solution, the penguins need your cotton socks or you too will get hit with a terrible imagination.
PROMOCODE: COTTON SOCKS
